Just another random, depressing entry

5:35 PM

I think I must have stated at this page for a few minutes, not knowing what to "pen down" (or rather type on my touch screen haha).. It's been too long since I've blogged regularly. But I'm gonna try and get back into the flow of things.

Looking for a job was probably the worst time I have ever been through in my life. But I know that when I start work, worse times are waiting for me.

I'm still really blur and not tactful.. I wonder if I have grown as a person these four years in university. If I had, I probably would have gotten the jobs that I wanted. Alas, I didn't. Actually, I still don't know what I want to do. I know what I don't want to do, but I may not have the skills for the other jobs out there.

I don't know the point of this entry but I'm just really sad. I started thinking about the reason for our existence on Earth.. And that's really depressing.

I'm not living my life the way I thought I would be.. So I am dissatisfied. What can I do to change it? Almost nothing. Not now.

Maybe I should just stop wondering and start living my life.. Yeah. I should.

the conspiracy

12:12 AM

It's been a while since I blogged. I think I should resuscitate this lifeless blog. Today I'm gonna talk about this equation:
Guys' effort = inversely proportional to length of relationship

Sometimes I wonder if it's a conspiracy. Guy does ultra sweet and jaw-dropping things before he gets together with a girl. After getting together with the girl, his effort in surprising the girl/doing sweet stuff for her drops exponentially. When the girl nags at him, he falls back on the majorly sweet things that he did in the past. The girl feels bad and wonders if she's too demanding. The guy gets away again. Score!

Yep, I'm sure of it, now that I have articulated it. It IS a conspiracy.

Actually, girls don't need guys to do MAJORLY sweet things during courtship. The importance is consistency, and well, the occasional BAM! thing. My boyfriend is awesome. I just wish he was a little more consistent in little things, like making our monthly scrapbooks and updating our blog. Those were things he promised to do. But as time goes by.. I guess one just forgets / gets overwhelmed by work. Yeah, I know I can't blame him for the latter reason.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if girls can be consistent in being sweet to their guy, why can't guys do the same for their girls? Guys, if Wensi can do it, so can you! ^^

It's 4 days after Valentine's Day now, but how about let's make every day Valentine's Day (minus the flowers and gifts)? Celebrate your love every day. Do what you promised to do. Love each other. Afterall, true love is really hard to find. I know I'm gonna hold on to him like a dog holds on to his bone. woof. HAHAHA.

if it's wrong to do what's right

1:31 AM

being in a relationship is like flying a kite. you can't pull too hard on the string all the time. it'll snap. You can't give it too much slack always, cuz the kite will come plummeting down.

Flying this kite has been hard, but it has been enjoyable. i haven't learnt to give much slack... maybe it's time i learnt how to. if wanting to spend more time with the one you love is a crime, then i'm guilty.

hahah corny song lyrics from "guilty" by blue.

blogging on my new macbook pro! shuuuuper happy can't sleep! damn, only 6 more hours of sleep. MUST.SLEEP.NAOOOO.

goodnight world. another long day awaits.

Sweet misery

4:40 PM

How do you know when it's time to stop giving chances?

What's the final straw?

I love you but I'm letting you go... For now.

What are words?

11:13 PM

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I'll keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then that's all
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

---

Beautiful song. Makes me cry every time I hear it. Chris Medina is the reason I still believe in true love. I always thought true love only exists in movies. But when I saw how he's still sticking by his girlfriend who sufferred a really serious brain injury in a car accident, some of my cynicism chipped off.

Then again, he's an exception. The rule says otherwise.

I don't believe in words anymore. I only believe what I see. And I believe what I feel. What can I say, I have trust issues.

what does it take?

8:45 PM

feelings? or effort?

This conversation stems from a discussion with Bernard during a short car ride.

He says that in a relationship, you can't have "the feeling" every day. There will be one of those days where you just don't have the feeling of love for your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Therefore, instead of depending on feelings, a relationship is sustained by effort. You can't have the feeling forever.

It's okay to feel lazy to do something for him/her once in a while... But if you realise that you get lazy for too long/too often, it's the end of the road. ):

And what does it take for two people to be together? I really don't have a clue. Should it be effortless? Or should it be difficult. I always thought it would be effortless.

nth emo post.

11:12 PM

You can continue to think that i'm a shrewd little bitch, it's better that way.

And you're no good for me too cuz you're a liar and a cheat.

But i'm so so sorry, because all I wanted to be was good to you.

everything, everything ends.

12:00 AM

this post stems from a discussion i had with yushan last night.

is there such a thing as "the one"? Or is it just an unrealistic projection of what we want to believe? I guess if you believe that there is "the one", you'll never be satisfied. You'll never be content with what you have... And you'll always wonder.. "What if?"

That is real torture...

Everybody's changing. As corny as it sounds, change is the only constant in life. And people who cannot accept change are just escapists. Deep inside we are all escapists. We just don't admit it. We don't like to see change, we don't like to experience change, much less accept it.

And then we talked about compromise. I remember watching a movie called "Valentines Day" with Taylor Swift, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifa... All those big names in one movie.. Remember?? Ashton Kutcher got together with his best friend in the end. I think it happens quite a lot in movies but not in real life...

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to marry my best guy friend. (cept I don't have one.) It'll be a compromise in some ways, yet in other ways, it may be the best thing that could ever happen to you. Shan says it's about finding someone you can tolerate and live with the rest of your life. Sounds pretty sad, but it's the reality of life. Afterall, how long can you love somebody?

Everything, everything ends.

On life, betrayal, not love.

1:26 AM

If the only person you ever really loved betrayed you, it just shows how bad a judge of character you are.

And how damned silly you are.

You'd better make damn sure that you never ever open your heart to anyone again, just to get it trampled on.

That person didn't even have the decency to make things right. He is a coward who wants to think that everything is alright.

Well everything's fine, except for the fact that your heart doesn't beat anymore. The heart that used to beat only for him.

-------------------------

There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that he
Turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me.

And maybe then my heart will beat again.

Dear John

12:10 AM

Been two months since i posted?!?!? seriously.

Long were the nights
When the days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps,
Prayin’ the floor won’t fall through, again
My mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine

You paint me a blue sky and go back
And turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game
But you changed the rules every day
Wonderin which version of you
I might get on the phone, tonight,
Well I stopped pickin’ up
And this song is to let you know why

Dear John,
I see it all now that you’re gone.
Don’t you think I was too young
To be messed with
The girl in the dress
Cried the whole way home
I shoulda known.

Well maybe it’s me
And my blind optimism to blame
Maybe its you and your sick need
To give love then take it away
And you’ll add my name
To your long list of traitors
Who don’t understand
And I’ll look back in regret
How I ignored when they said
"Run as fast as you can"

Terribly emo song. But it's exactly how I've been feeling since June last year.

Never trust.

shrouded by self-doubt

1:11 PM

If I tell the world,
I'll never say enough cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do
If I'm in love with you

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere

-----------------------

There are always too many words left unsaid.

That day my 16 year old tutee told me I was naive and gave me advice about boys. FML. HAHAHHA.

But yeah, I guess I've always been living in a bubble. My own cosy bubble where I formulated many many theories about meeting the right person.

"But he's so ideal!"

"But he's nice in ways you all cannot see!"

Along the way I formulated many excuses for myself to once again be vulnerable. She calls me a tofu.

"Even if you want to be a tofu also must be fried tofu! Hard on the outside! So even if you're soft on the inside nobody knows!"

It makes quite a lot of sense. I am steamed - no, uncooked- tofu now. Constant self doubt just keeps haunting me again and again.

There are people who just aren't love-able or loveable. I probably belong to both those categories.

Love,
Me.

bags and books

12:50 AM

I have this friend who shared an analogy with me on Thursday.

There are 2 groups of people in RJC. (Nah I know you RJ peeps won't take offense) And we can liken these 2 groups to girls who own Chanel bags.

The first group worked really really hard to earn money + climb up the corporate ladder to afford themselves a Chanel bag. So we liken these people to those students who worked their asses off doing TYSes to get themselves a spot in RJC.

Well the second group - you guessed it - had their parents BUY them a Chanel bag. And we can liken this group to the people who either bought their way into the school, or got into the school through sports and they eventually screw up their academics anyway. He described these people as... well I wouldn't say the word here.

I told him I wanted to post his analogy on my blog, but it would probably piss many RJC people off. But the next minute I changed my mind. You see, the people who read this and feel angry, you probably belong to the second group. So I decided to. Just to provide some comic relief to my friends.

We then developed another theory. There has to be a third group. We wanted to be fair to the rich kids. The third group is the group who received a Chanel bag from their parents but later in life work really really hard to buy more and more Chanel/Miu Miu/LV/Gucci/___(insert brand) bags for themselves. These people deserve our respects. They're like rich kids who really work hard to get more and more awards/accolades for themselves.

So yeah, it's really interesting how we can link people with Chanel bags to people who go to elite schools. I don't deny that this happens in Hwa Chong too. I guess it happens in all elite schools. We just hope that more people move from the second group to the third group before it's too late.

Till next time, people! :)

god help me

11:54 AM

The world does not revolve around me.

a million little stars

11:44 PM

just a random thought:

if you knew that doing a certain something would be pointless, would you still do it just because you wanted to?

A classical scenario of deciding to go with your head or your heart..

I always think too much, but my personality tests show I'm a feeler not a thinker.. So I'm kinda stuck, huh?

by the way............. had an awesome time at ju's party! (this blog needs to liven up with some pictures!)

okay actually just one. :)

same old story

12:59 AM

Everytime i do something bad i'm gonna put a "-" in the space below. Let's see how many of these I accumulate in 1 year...

Starting from 30 July 2010:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Letters I never sent: Volume 1

10:58 PM

because the truth hurts so much you just want to bury them in a shoebox locked safely away in a cupboard. but no matter how safely you lock that box away, you know you still can't lock that wild heart up.

-----------

The Claustrophobia

I was always claustrophobic, but I never understood how bad it was until i was in the same lift as you, alone.
I must have been suffocated by the 10 thousand different things I wanted to say to you, because not a single word fell from my lips.
I didn't dare to breathe, neither did you. Because we were afraid to break the beautifully painful silence.
We were finally alone together, yet still, so alone.

A mindblowing dining experience

9:33 PM

HI people!

I'm here to blog about my wonderful dining experience at the Tippling Club at Dempsey Hill.

My boss Derrick kindly invited me to join him and his Wharton professor Zif, along with Eta (a beautiful lady who's in Singapore to do a masters' course at Insead Business School AND she was a former Goldman Sachs trader) and Joseph, a professor in NUS.

We had quite a hard time trying to find the place, but it was worth it.

When I stepped into the restaurant, I honestly wasn't expecting anything much. The decor was simple and modern, and the kitchen (open concept with transparent glass walls) looked like a chemistry laboratory with loads of high tech equipment. There was a bar in the middle of the restaurant, and the ceiling was adorned with liquor bottles of all sorts.

So my first impression was -- Ah it must be a restaurant that's only known for mixology. But boy was I wrong.

We had cocktails before our dinner while waiting for Joseph. My daiquiri was absolutely sour, like pure acid, so please don't order daiquiri.

That aside, all of us went with the "Gourmand" menu which was a ten-course meal. I wanted so much to have just the five-course meal which was the "Classic", but the waitress recommended me to have the Gourmand so that I could have the same dining experience as the others. And I was glad I went with her suggestion. (I partly chose the "Classic" cuz I was trying to help my boss' prof save money. My eyeballs almost popped out of its sockets when i saw the prices)

So we had 3 champagne infused grapes to clear our palettes. It was the best grape I've ever ever had. I wonder how they infuse the champagne into the grape.. At first I thought maybe they just injected it, but I changed my mind when I saw what happened at the table later during our meal.

Course 1: Charred green peppers with Wasabi

The appetizer was charred green peppers with wasabi sauce. The wasabi was mixed with something else, i forgot what it was, but it was SO good. Slightly tangy, slightly spicy and salty, but not like any wasabi i've ever tasted. The charred green peppers looked really scary, but they tasted wonderfully like tempura. When i bit into it, it almost disintegrated into my mouth like ash, but it didn't taste charred at all. In fact, it was refreshing and surprisingly not as carcenogenic as i thought it would taste.

Cold soup with potato and caviar

The soup was filled in a glass spoon, with a potato cube and some caviar balanced on top. Notice I said "in". The spoon was specially designed so that we could suck the soup out of the spoon while we had the potato and caviar in our mouths. It was an explosion of flavour. Everything blended together flawlessly. I just wished there was more than 1 mouthful of soup :P

Calamari with squid ink

Ah, another dish that we had to suck. I was pretty apprehensive when I saw the dark squid ink. But when i sucked the squid ink and chewed the freshly fried calamari together with it, the flavour was just so good. It didn't taste fishy or anything. It was just savoury and absolutely delectable. Eta and I were trying so hard to suck what was left in the straw we looked retarded. HAHA.

Course 2: Chilli Crab

The chef's interpretation of the Singaporean chilli crab. It was made with spanner crab (which earned its name because it has pincers shaped like spanners). The dish was just.. OKAY. because the chilli wasn't really spicy.. and the crab was diced into small cubes.. so i couldn't really savour the unique texture that crab meat usually has.

Course 3: Escargot

It was my first time trying escargot. The ingredients were flew in from all around the world, and VERY fresh. The escargot was pan fried to crispiness (but was still really juicy inside), paired together with fresh asparagus puree. And I usually hate asparagus! The escargot was definitely one of my favourites.

Course 4: Foie Gras with apple

This dish had apple puree, granny smith apple slices and a caramelized gaufrette biscuit that was rolled up, together with the best foie gras puree ever. I once had foie gras puree and I was horribly grossed out by it. But this foie gras was awesome. The savoury taste combined with the sweet caramelized biscuit and the sour apple puree was amazing. Joseph said he liked this dish best.

Course 5: Kingfish

This dish had edamame beans, caramel infused soy tofu and black radish together with a piece of Kingfish that was cooked for 12 hours i think. It's either this or the crab that was cooked for 12 hours. This dish was fantastic. It was Eta's favourite. The fish had been flown in from Australia I think. The beans from japan...

Course 6: Vegetable garden

I must say, this is one of the most interesting dishes ever. As seen in the photo, there's soil (ok it's not really soil! it's actually porcini mushroom made to look like soil) sprinkled on top of a vegetable patch. It looked REALLY unappetizing hahhaha. And then the chef told us the garden was in winter, so he sprinkled some white truffle powder on top of the garden. And amazingly, the "snow" actually started melting before our very eyes! It was lovely. Beneath the vegetable patch (which we speculate was turnip), there were lots of flavourful vegetables. Yum.

Course 7: Surf & Turf

(Picture on left)

Surt & Turf obviously is a dish that combines what walks on land and what lives in the sea. In this case, it was lobster and beef. The beef was cooked for 48 hours. Honestly that really amazed me, but i didn't really like the texture of it. It tasted a bit like overcooked pig trotters. But the lobster made up for it. The lobster was cooked to perfection and VERY fresh. We also had some handpicked SEA GRAPES. haha. imagine green grapes that are shrunk to like 1/100 of its original size and in bunches. looks kinda like algae! But very delicious.

Course 8: Pre dessert: Champagne, muesli and raspberry i think

Honestly a super super nice dessert. It had crispy muesli in raspberry sauce, champagne and something that tasted like honey, but i'm quite sure it was some coagulated mixture or something prepared very scientifically. It was slightly fizzy because of the champagne, sweet because of the honey, and sour because of the raspberry. Very delectable.

Course 9: Basil Ice Cream with Aloe Vera

I honestly wasn't very happy with this dish. It was a dollop of Thai Basil (slightly spicy) ice cream on skippy peanut butter crumble. Yes skippy. We were amused. On the side, there were 3 cubes of aloe vera infused with Yuzu. A bit too sour for my liking. Very contrasting flavours which I didn't really appreciate.

Course 10: Chocolate

This was my FAVOURITE dessert. It was a huge piece of chocolate that was infused with orange. my FAVOURITE combination. dark chocolate with orange. it's the best. :) it as crispy on the outside, and soft on the inside. kinda like praline but not THAT liquid. there was distilluted (that's how he pronounced it) orange syrup which was rather bland. but the chocolate was awesomez.

That concluded the end of our meal. We went to society bar for drinks afterwards. their lychee mojito is not bad. :) i wish there was more alcohol in it though.. it tasted awfully much like lychee with mint.

This is our chef btw, he's called Ryan:

Although the bill came up to like 320++ per person (the 10-course meal itself is 230++) cuz we ordered wine and cocktails, the meal was rather worth it!

I would NEVER pay that kind of money for a meal, but thanks Zif!!! :) It's a kind of cuisine everyone should try at least once in their whole life.

Links/photo credits:

http://tipplingclub.com/

http://www.chubbyhubby.com/

http://asiaone.com/

Wensi's adventures in high heels part I

9:09 PM

Today was my first day of work at DBS. Derrick was awesome, P'ing was nice, Sunny was nice, Chait En was nice too.

BUT. During lunch, I went to meet my cousin and his friends at PHILIP STREET.

Inserts map:

While i was halfway there I almost died. It must have been 34 Degrees celsius, and I was in a long sleeved shirt and high heels. All my friends know that I cannot walk in heels for nuts. By the time I got to the place, I was DISHEVELLED.

After lunch, we decided to take the train. Although it was just one stop, but yay, SALVATION. I think, in my past life, I must have been a penguin. I cannot survive without aircon.

Luckily Rash was nice enough to walk me back to DBS, apologizing profusely and listening to me complain about how my feet hurt. Ah, as if complaining helped anything. But thanks :)

Today when i walked home, I felt like dying all over again. My feet felt super mutilated. Oh well, tomorrow I shall attempt to conquer my heels again.

I know this is a very pointless post but I just wanted to make myself laugh by doing the photoshopped penguin thingie. hahahha. For those who are wondering, that's what I looked like in Primary 6! HAHA. That photo never fails to make my day. I hope the penguin version made yours too. :)

a gift

12:21 AM

原来最简单的礼物我也可以学会珍惜。

sometimes all you need is one opportunity.

12:35 AM

Hello world!

Today I am HAPPY.

because I met someone who gave me a lesson on life. So damn insightful but I shall not post the full details of the conversation in case I misquote/get myself into legal trouble.

But anyway, I guess sometimes in life, people see things in you that you have never ever seen in your life. You may think that you're a good-for-nothing moper. But another person may see a lot of potential in you.

As long as there is one person who thinks that way, there must be something there.

You just have to look inside yourself to find it.

Good night world. I think the effects of Spinelli's and Starbucks have finally worn off. :)

keeping the bond.

1:50 AM

You'll always be my special new friend. :)

Always.

starting over

11:30 PM

sometimes you just need to slow down, forget everything,
and start from day 1.

retail therapy fail

10:15 AM

i used to think that, when im feeling really down i'd feel better if i told someone about it.
so i turned to blogging. because people aren't really interested in your problems 24/7 even if they say they are. lies.
but i realised blogging wasn't as effective a cure as it was back in 2007.
then i turned to retail therapy. "whoever said money can't buy happiness apparently doesn't know where to shop!" was my philosophy.

and then today i realised that even if you have money, there are things that you can't buy.
ok technically i can buy it if i want to buy it myself...
im not making sense now don't bother about me.

can't find internship.
no motivation to study.
no mental strength.

oh well. i get it.

new blog url coming up!

12:53 AM

am planning to change my blog URL to philosophicalairhead.blogspot.com cuz my current URL is just toooooo difficult to remember.

but somehow blogger isn't letting me do that. some conflicting edits problem. oh well.

will create a new one and export my entries aft exams. stay tuned ppl. a brand new super interesting blog comin ur way. (:

-------

in relation to my entry before the angsty great plains one,

frogs won't be princes, but princes will be princes.
princes marry princesses, but you will never be a princess.

ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

3:38 PM

fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.
fuck i hate great plains. fuck i hate great plains.

ok just needed somewhere to vent my anger about this HORRIBLE accounting software which lags my computer SO much, takes about 20 minutes to respond (yes i took the 20 mins to go bathe), and has a shitload of error messages.

fuck i hate great plains.

a moment of weakness

7:39 PM

some things should stay the way they are. like how grass should be green. remember those fairytales which told you that the grass was blue and the sky was green and the clouds were made of pink candy floss?

that might have sounded good at a point in time. something that was unconventional, something that was not the norm. something that interested you. something that was... nice.

or maybe pigs which had wings and could fly, rivers with milk/white/dark chocolate flowing in them, licorice boats floating on them.. it's really something special.

so in a moment of weakness, you would probably want to make "A" become "B". For whatever reason.

But the grass should stay green, the sky should stay blue, clouds shouldn't be edible; rivers too. and boats certainly shouldn't be made of licorice because it would be too sticky. and licorice is not even yummy in the first place i don't know why i thought of licorice in the first place.

but yeah, some things should just stay the way they are.

don't give in to that moment of weakness. because you are gonna have many many moments of weaknessess in your lives. (oh man i'm starting to think this entry is inspired by the ethics seminar that i am CURRENTLY in hahaha) but yeah, frogs will be frogs and they won't be princes.

don't let your mind wander and don't give in to that moment of weakness. like i did. so many times before.

so you sailed away.

11:31 PM

no matter how alone you think you are, it doesn't warrant a right for your mind to drift somewhere.

especially somewhere it shouldn't be going. ever.

not always rainbows and butterflies.

4:44 PM

Do what you have to do, and then love what you do.

That's very important.

need you now

8:20 PM

If only dreams would come true.
I had a very surreal dream this morning.

picture perfect memories scattered all across the floor
reaching for the phone cause i can't fight it anymore
and i wonder if i ever cross your mind
for me it happens all the time

"Need you now" by Lady Antebellum is a very special song to me. I'm learning how to play it on the guitar now (:

tiffyiffyiffy

10:10 PM

I had to share this with you guys!

I get the goosebumps everytime I listen to her. My fave youtube singer yet. (:

the little things

8:38 PM

Wake up, wake up. This ain't just a thing that you give up, give up.

disorganized.

11:23 PM

wensi is currently very stressed out.

but if there's anything she learnt from one of her previous jobs (selling credit cards), stress is just another word for being "disorganized".

so she shall attempt to organize her thoughts now. WHY am I so stressed?!?!?

1. Impresario stuff : must settle contestants' details and get their MMOs ASAP
2. TAX quiz coming up after recess week. DIE. must start comprehending miss lim
3. RMS essay due 27th Feb. note to self: must come up with first draft by 22nd Feb
4. CIMA Business case study
5. FIND FYP PROF AND REGISTER ASAP.
6. Clear backlogged readings for IT

Yup that's about it for now. will add to the list if i remember anything and i shall refer to this list and strike each item out after i've finished it. HAHA.

HEROES SEASON 1 EXHAUSTED MY CNY HOLIDAYS. yes i'm slow.

10/02/2010

1:36 AM

i wish i could be a good person.
i wish that a lot.

w.h.y

12:16 AM

it's a night like this that you finish the stuff that you're supposed to do, and then you feel empty.
you take out your guitar and try to look for new songs to play. but you realise that all of them need a capo which you don't have. never mind. let's just stick to 'bubbly'. and then you get bored.

and then you start thinking about why you were such an airhead during tax today. and then you start feeling lonely. and you start thinking if something's wrong with you. there must be a reason for all the times you've failed. for all the times you put in effort but everything came to naught.

there must be a reason.

some blind faith.

9:02 PM

somehow hope you'd say "really? me too. let's go together."

how true.

11:32 PM

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can.
She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.
- Bob Marley

xiaoqiang loves soup

10:55 PM

if my heart was a house you'd be home.

Love is always, always in the air.

9:47 PM

Dear friends, Chinese New Year is just 3 weeks away! Have you begun stocking up on those pineapple tarts and bak kwa yet?

(sidenote advert: if any of you want Fragrance Bak Kwa at a discount, pls get back to me by 31st Jan!!! 1kg will be packed in plastic boxes while 500g orders will be packed in paper boxes. SUBSTANTIAL DISCOUNTS)

OK anyway. some of you would have started mulling over what to give your significant other for Valentines' Day -- A day I have not celebrated in... 3 years. I think. The last V-day I celebrated was a mess anyway.

And yes, I am dedicating this post to all the singles. It will not be a sour and cynical post. While you lovebirds are sneaking out of the house on Da Nian Chu Yi (First day of the lunar new year) to meet your significant other, I will be playing mahjong with my family at my Grandma's house. and winning a hell lot of money. I will be darn happy!!! (and no, I am not being sarcastic)

That's why I love this year's Valentines' Day.

It is always during festive occasions that I celebrate, instead of lament my (ill) single fate. :)

And yes, to all you singles out there, aren't you glad that you don't have to spend a bomb on your significant other? Because I know, when I get a boyfriend, I will spend a HELL lot of money on him.

I have already thought of all the V-day and birthday and xmas presents I will be lavishing on my future boyfriend. (LUCKY I don't have one :D)

So friends, don't worry about me, I'm ok with being single. During festive seasons. I'd very much prefer to spend the money on myself. Because I love myself SO much.

Then again, before you all start labelling me as a money face (which I know you know I'm not), love is more than expensive presents.

The greatest gift anybody could give is the gift of time.

If you ask me what's my idea of a perfect Valentines' Day gift, it's someone who can spend all his time with me.

Love,

Wensi

(stay tuned for part 2. I've suddenly been hit by a stroke of inspiration. OUCH.)

cheese crackers.

11:00 PM

spontaneity is a must. for now, it is definitely at the top of my list.
randomness can pass off as spontaneity sometimes.

but spontaneity is still preferred.

----------------------------------------------------------------

wensi is feeling under the weather.

WHY CAN'T I HAVE A SATURDAY WITHOUT CCA. ):

i just wanna curl up in bed all day long.

maybe we're not meant to be

2:41 AM

it's like one step forward and two steps back

no matter what i do you're always mad

and i

i can't change your mind

it's like im tryin' to turn around on a one way street

i can't give you what you want and it's killin' me

and i

i'm startin' to see

that maybe we're not meant to be.

----------------

ok it doesnt really mean anything to me. it's just a song that's been in my head for ages. i just needed to type this somewhere. and typing it in a msn convo window would just freak yongxian out hahaha.

to some very special people:

9:58 PM

"i love 06S6D."

I just wanna say it again. and I can't say it enough.

they're the only people I can be myself around. and they are the only people who don't find me irritating although I always think I am.

and thankyou to some who make my day in different ways. in ways smaller than you would expect, and in ways that they themselves don't even notice, but in ways that mean the world to me. :)

you all know who you are.

although there are some who simply.. can't be bothered.

but that's fine. i love you all the same.

will you still love me, tomorrow?

2:40 AM

will you still love me,

when i start nagging at you more than you can bear

when my waist grows bigger than my hips

when my hair starts to thin

when my hands start to shake

when I can no longer sketch

when I can no longer sing

when I can no longer dance

when I can no longer go on long walks with you by the river

when I can no longer cook nor clean

when the children have to take care of me instead

when my skin starts to sag, when my hands are no longer smooth

when I can no longer amuse you with my witty comments

when I can no longer laugh without choking

when we argue more than we speak

when I least deserve your love?

will you still love me, tomorrow?

it's always scary to grow old. but it's even scarier to grow old with somebody. the fear that he/she may not love you tomorrow.

apologies for the totally random cod (xue3 yu2) photo. but it's very awesome. i think i tlooks like a heart shape here. it's this cod dish from crystal jade kitchen(: thankyou for the treat mister handsome! I think i must have gained an instant kg from that meal. next time let's just stick to 2 dishes. whee.

the final letter.

1:58 AM

Dear you,

I used to love receiving your letters. They were always full of happiness. They always made me laugh.

This time, I'm not looking forward to receiving your letters at all. Because I know what you're gonna say. I know exactly what you're gonna say. And why you're taking so long to say it.

If I told you that I knew, and I know everything you mean to say, can you not write this letter? Can you just leave it be?

Maybe the postman will misplace your letter and so I'll never get my answer.

But wait, even if I don't read your letter, I've already got my answer.

So please.

Love,

absence kills everything.

11:22 PM

there was no "Summer and Tom" in the first place.

500 days of summer.

11:35 PM

I recently watched 500 days of summer. A little slow, I know. probably because I couldn't find the time to watch it when it was in cinemas.

Summer is a girl who doesn't believe in love or fate. Her parents split up when she was still a little girl. And there are only two things she loves. One, her long brown hair. And two, how easily she could cut it off without feeling anything.

Tom is a guy who believes he will never truly be happy until he meets "the one". And apparently, Summer was "The one" for him.

Well obviously in this relationship Summer was the one who was in control. Because she cared less and was detached. I'll never forget how Summer told Tom "We're just friends." even when they were obviously not. Summer had Tom in the palm of her hand. Like a puppet.

But if Tom were to suddenly grow some balls and start ignoring Summer one day, I'm sure Summer would have been devastated too. No matter how nonchalant she seems on the surface. Because Tom is a really awesome guy and Summer knows it.

Alas, Tom didn't grow some balls. Summer dumped him in the end and Tom was a mess. Until he met Autumn, that is.

Would things have been different if Tom decided to confront this "friend" and make her admit that she had as serious feelings for him as he had for her? Would things have been different if Tom decided to give Summer the cold shoulder, or probably try to play the "Hot and cold" game with her instead?

What if Tom wasn't THAT smitten with Summer? What if he had tried to control his infatuation? Instead of running to Summer like a little puppy at her every beck and call, could he have tried to play hard to get? Would that change anything?

Well, in my humble opinion, NO.

I wannt be Summer. I don't wanna be Tom. I don't wanna have to be the one thinking of these "what-ifs".

I don't wanna be vulnerable.

Uniquely Singapore.

10:51 AM

thought of the day:

why go to phuture to squeeze with everybody? Every day like that on the MRT not enough meh?

Seriously, if some bugger decided to play some music on the MRT everybody could start vibrating about their fixed positions -- just like what they do in Phuture. 'Cept that you don't have to pay for it.

And it's definitely a different crowd. You get a lot more people who are dressed badly and smell bad on the MRT.

A uniquely Singapore experience.

Don't ask why I'm so pissed off. It's obviously because something happened to me on the MRT yesterday. (groans)

musical talents.

11:42 AM

wensi is going to do something meaningful during this school holiday (or what's left of it).

she is going to prove that she has musical talent. (after failing to do so for 19 years)

pengsing says it'll take 4 weeks. I say it'll take a year.

we'll see. i'll post a video (of me doing something i've never done before) when i succeed.

but at the moment wensi is still physically and musically challenged, and typing with really sore fingertips. ):

PAIN.

bones.

1:03 AM

Kristen Stewart (or Bella Swan, as we more affectionately relate to her as): the prettiest girl in Hollywood right now. at least i think so.

New Moon was horrible. but i think im madly in love with bella's face. gorgeous bone structure.

i originally wanted to blog about self-esteem issues. but i don't feel like doing that tonight.

maybe some other day.

goodnight world.

super mario cupcakes

10:16 PM

photo credit: hellonaomi

the thought.

12:19 AM

remember the times you watched a great happy-ending movie and you thought "that'll happen to me one day. If i wait long enough."

well maybe it will.