shrouded by self-doubt

1:11 PM

If I tell the world,
I'll never say enough cause it was not said to you
And that's exactly what I need to do
If I'm in love with you

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere

-----------------------

There are always too many words left unsaid.

That day my 16 year old tutee told me I was naive and gave me advice about boys. FML. HAHAHHA.

But yeah, I guess I've always been living in a bubble. My own cosy bubble where I formulated many many theories about meeting the right person.

"But he's so ideal!"

"But he's nice in ways you all cannot see!"

Along the way I formulated many excuses for myself to once again be vulnerable. She calls me a tofu.

"Even if you want to be a tofu also must be fried tofu! Hard on the outside! So even if you're soft on the inside nobody knows!"

It makes quite a lot of sense. I am steamed - no, uncooked- tofu now. Constant self doubt just keeps haunting me again and again.

There are people who just aren't love-able or loveable. I probably belong to both those categories.

Love,
Me.

bags and books

12:50 AM

I have this friend who shared an analogy with me on Thursday.

There are 2 groups of people in RJC. (Nah I know you RJ peeps won't take offense) And we can liken these 2 groups to girls who own Chanel bags.

The first group worked really really hard to earn money + climb up the corporate ladder to afford themselves a Chanel bag. So we liken these people to those students who worked their asses off doing TYSes to get themselves a spot in RJC.

Well the second group - you guessed it - had their parents BUY them a Chanel bag. And we can liken this group to the people who either bought their way into the school, or got into the school through sports and they eventually screw up their academics anyway. He described these people as... well I wouldn't say the word here.

I told him I wanted to post his analogy on my blog, but it would probably piss many RJC people off. But the next minute I changed my mind. You see, the people who read this and feel angry, you probably belong to the second group. So I decided to. Just to provide some comic relief to my friends.

We then developed another theory. There has to be a third group. We wanted to be fair to the rich kids. The third group is the group who received a Chanel bag from their parents but later in life work really really hard to buy more and more Chanel/Miu Miu/LV/Gucci/___(insert brand) bags for themselves. These people deserve our respects. They're like rich kids who really work hard to get more and more awards/accolades for themselves.

So yeah, it's really interesting how we can link people with Chanel bags to people who go to elite schools. I don't deny that this happens in Hwa Chong too. I guess it happens in all elite schools. We just hope that more people move from the second group to the third group before it's too late.

Till next time, people! :)