of contentment and loneliness.

2:10 AM

my blessings far outweigh my problems.
HA HA HA. (listen to my jovial laughter!)
i feel damn happy every day.
i think i'm a super carefree person.
i mean, what can worry me?
I've got a perfect life!
great friends..
great food at home for me to eat..
loving parents..
what more can i ask for?
what position am i in to ask for more?

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man, i just love writing this kind of entries.
i think i sound like a retard, but i don't care.
no, really, i can't remember the last time i could recite the above words like i meant it.

is contentment.. really that hard to achieve?
we're always hankering for more more more things in life..
more new toys.. more gadgets.. more money..
higher social status.. greater success in careers..
more love..

and when do you stop?

i think imma classic extrovert. i draw my energy from people..
when it's late at night and im all alone i suddenly feel like im this empty shell.
especially now.. when my guy friends are going into army 1 by 1..
the emptiness sets in.

it becomes even more obvious when it's late at night..
when nobody can hear you cry..

then you know you're really alone.