it hurts.

11:09 PM

if there's one thing i hate, it's people asking me to shut up.
i don't think i've ever asked anyone to shut up.
oh well. ok fine i hate people saying that i'm stupid too.

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sigh. been going through a pretty rough patch these few days.. some latenight emo.
it must be pms. or it must have been the baileys. haven't cried in a long time. guess alcohol really has its effects on me.
i know i may appear to be obnoxious and headstrong but who knows what im feeling beneath that impudent front? who knows what i'm really feeling? no one. i agree with one of my girlfriends -- i dislike people saying that they know me. or people thinking that they know what im thinking. that it's easy to see through me. yes, i am an open book. but you may be reading the wrong pages at the wrong times. do you know that?
i often hurt the people i care most about. i dislike myself for doing this. always. it's like a natural reflex. i cant help it. it's not like i enjoy it. it hurts me too. im no sadist nor masochist.
it's been a long time since i locked myself in the toilet. it really sucks.
sucks to be so emotional.

it'll go away.. it'll go away.
(and im not deluding myself.)