faith

7:54 PM

faith?

now you're gone now you're gone now you're gone now you go somewhere i can't bring you back.
haha such a random line from an avril lavigne song. it doesn't relate to how i feel at all. wonder why it's stuck in my head.

this morning i did yet ANOTHER environmental essay. i think i'm only limited to doing environmental essays. somehow i think i'll flunk it, like i flunked my promos. what a great disappointment.

talking about disappointments.. sigh. something in the left of my ribcage is hurting like crazy. and i can't do anything to make the pain go away.

now, writing about the pain, it has turned into this sinking feeling. it's not hurting anymore. i just feel something sinking, sinking, sinking all the way to my stomach. the butterflies in my stomach won't go away, and my mouth is in this permanent pout-mode.

it felt kinda cold outside. gosh. i bet no one will understand my random ramblings. my friend asked me "why you every day also sad one!" well, the fact is, i was delirious today.. i was happy.. i was on cloud nine.. what have you. then i could only feel my heart plummeting down into this bottomless pit.

i wonder how much faith one can lose? i used to believe in the tooth fairy. even until sec 1. after i extracted teeth in preparation for my braces, i put the teeth under my pillow. well of course there was no dollar coin. i still believe that putting notes under my pillow before a test will aid me in scoring better grades as all the content would miraculously diffuse into my brain. but how long more will i hold this faith? i used to believe that wishes made on a shooting star would come true. now i don't.

why only now? because i had faith in something. i had faith in something new. something special. but now i feel this faith draining away. drip drip drip.

blogging is therapeutic, really.

nothing good ever comes out of what i think. nothing good.