WHEE.

12:33 AM

school life has been pretty screwed.
lotsa senseless [edit: not senseless anymore!] stuff occupying my mind. i should well be studying. i hate myself sometimes. for being so useless. and unproductive. and stupid.
training has become more fruitful (:
pt was hiong. we felt like dying but after we got through it, i guess everyone felt kinda zai. haha.

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my angel and mortal are nice people (: they're very sweet, despite the loooong delays in replies. yup.

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i love hwachong pingpong. i love them for standing by me no matter what. i love them for listening to my constant whining/complaints. i love them for making me smile when i feel like it's the end of the world. i love the way we try to cheer each other up (:. i love the way we can get through each dfficulty as a team. i love the way we can joke and flirt (guys and guys especially!!!) with each other without hard feelings! i love team dinners. (:

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i loveeee you people (:

to the moon and back.

12:14 PM

TO THE MOON AND BACK

She's taking her time making up the reasons
To justify all the hurt inside
Guess she knows from the smiles and the look in their eyes
Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one
They're saying "Mamma never loved her much"
And,"Daddy never keeps in touch
That's why she shies away from human affection"
But somewhere in a private place
She packs her bags for outer space
And now she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come
And she'll say to him

I would fly to the moon and back if you'll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?

She can't remember a time when she felt needed
If love was red then she was color blind
All her friends they've been tried for treason
And crimes that were never defined
She's saying"Love is like a barren place
And reaching out for human faith is like a journey I just don't have a map for"

So baby's gonna take a dive and
Push the shift to overdrive
Send a signal that she's hanging
All her hopes on the stars
What a pleasant dream I would fly to the moon and back
if you'll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we belong

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"even if"?

i think i'm becoming a master self-brainwasher.

would i really?

ESFP

2:40 PM

rain rain go away. come again when i'm at home.

training's at 4:30 and i've got nothing to do now. ponned econs lecture just now due to the fact that i left my notes at home. well i left my chem/phy notes at home as well. sometimes i wonder what i come to school for.
it's a bad start for the new year. too slack for my own good. seeing everyone around me mugging like there's no tomorrow, i feel an impending doom. i can't bring myself to do homework anymore. i think i'm addicted to being online. once i reach home i'd turn on the computer and glue myself to my seat for a few hours BEFORE taking out my contact lenses. doubly bad on the eyes.
my junior class is alright. the guys are kinda shy? but the girls seem nice. my angel and mortal are not writing to me at the moment. urgh. i feel offended, considering the amount of time and effort i spent on the letter + gift to my mortal.
well sometimes i think some things don't pay off huh? okay. i'm not referring to the angel-mortal thing. don't mind me. i've been thinking too much, actually. i think i should just let dead people lie. and don't bother. though it's hard. a lot of things aren't as simple as they seem. maybe through the gruelling training i'd received in RV from my history/SS/english lit teachers, i've become a person who tends to think too deep. a person who has to read between the lines when it comes to dialogue or text. a person who makes life difficult for herself by thinking there is an underlying motive/meaning/purpose in everything someone else does/says. bah. i'm like a dog trying to bite my own tail. making myself miserable. but what for? maybe i should learn to let some things go.

ESFP

"Where's the party?" ESFPs love people, excitement, telling stories and having fun. The spontaneous, impulsive nature of this type is almost always entertaining. And ESFPs love to entertain -- on stage, at work, and/or at home. Social gatherings are an energy boost to these "people" people. (true!)

SPs sometimes think and talk in more of a spider-web approach. Several of my ESFP friends jump from thought to thought in mid-sentence, touching here or there in a manner that's almost incoherent to the listener, but will eventually cover the waterfront by skipping on impulse from one piece of information to another. It's really quite fascinating. (omg this is MEGA true.)

New! ESFPs are attracted to new ideas, new fashions, new gadgets, new ______. Perhaps it's the newness of life that attracts ESFPs to elementary education, especially to preschool and kindergarten. (alright, true too.)

ESFPs love to talk to people about people. Some of the most colorful storytellers are ESFPs. Their down-to-earth, often homespun wit reflects a mischievous benevolence.
Almost every ESFP loves to talk. Some can be identified by the twenty minute conversation required to ask or answer a simple factual question. (okay what can i say. the whole thing is true.)

Functional Analysis:
Extraverted Sensing
The dominant function of ESFPs is concerned with the reality that is perceived through the senses. This type's prime directive is to examine the tangible through taste, touch, sight, feeling and hearing. ESFPs' need for new experiences surely results from this function. Feeling gives focus to the collected information, producing the amiable nature of this type. As perceivers, ESFPs do not linger on moral concerns unless it is in service of a Greater Good and/or a unifying cause.
Introverted Feeling
Feeling, which tends to decision-making in the interest of individual beings, is auxiliary to sensing. As with all introverted functions, feeling for ESFPs has a surreal, cryptic, quintessential nature. It is more often implied than verbally expressed, more apparent in countenance and deed rather than word or creed. Feeling takes care that playful pokes and pranks do no harm to the victim.
Extraverted Thinking
This tertiary function is at the ready to give definitive answers when the world requires them. It provides a measure of balance to Introverted Feeling, allowing the ESFP some level of boundary and protection from those who would take advantage. When overused or overestimated, however, Thinking becomes a liability. ESFPs do well to seek out confirmation of the soundness of tough-minded decisions.
Introverted iNtuition
This function is least visible. As is the nature of the inferior (fourth) function, ESFP intuition lacks a sense of balance. This type seems most successful in deducing patterns and seeing connections only after a thorough examination of the facts (which process appears quite unorganized and haphazard to non-SPs). Although some ESFPs may develop such abilities, the mastery of logic, analysis and abstraction is usually difficult and wearying, and not very much fun.

go try the test! i think it's quite accurate.
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
then go to www.typelogic.com after you get your results. (:

faith

7:54 PM

faith?

now you're gone now you're gone now you're gone now you go somewhere i can't bring you back.
haha such a random line from an avril lavigne song. it doesn't relate to how i feel at all. wonder why it's stuck in my head.

this morning i did yet ANOTHER environmental essay. i think i'm only limited to doing environmental essays. somehow i think i'll flunk it, like i flunked my promos. what a great disappointment.

talking about disappointments.. sigh. something in the left of my ribcage is hurting like crazy. and i can't do anything to make the pain go away.

now, writing about the pain, it has turned into this sinking feeling. it's not hurting anymore. i just feel something sinking, sinking, sinking all the way to my stomach. the butterflies in my stomach won't go away, and my mouth is in this permanent pout-mode.

it felt kinda cold outside. gosh. i bet no one will understand my random ramblings. my friend asked me "why you every day also sad one!" well, the fact is, i was delirious today.. i was happy.. i was on cloud nine.. what have you. then i could only feel my heart plummeting down into this bottomless pit.

i wonder how much faith one can lose? i used to believe in the tooth fairy. even until sec 1. after i extracted teeth in preparation for my braces, i put the teeth under my pillow. well of course there was no dollar coin. i still believe that putting notes under my pillow before a test will aid me in scoring better grades as all the content would miraculously diffuse into my brain. but how long more will i hold this faith? i used to believe that wishes made on a shooting star would come true. now i don't.

why only now? because i had faith in something. i had faith in something new. something special. but now i feel this faith draining away. drip drip drip.

blogging is therapeutic, really.

nothing good ever comes out of what i think. nothing good.

shooting star

11:31 PM

i saw a shooting star just now (:
and i made TWO wishes. ha. greedy me.

but somehow i think the 2nd one won't come true.
although i really really want it to. ):

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watched blood diamond today. really nice show.
i cried like crazy, as usual. towards the ending. ):

it's really great. go watch it!
there were 2 lines from the movie which struck me the deepest.

"I wonder if God will forgive us for what we've done to each other. Then i look around and realise God has already left us."

that's so.. sad. sigh. people do unscrupulous things to get what they want. They kill and cheat to get fame and fortune. What's the use? At the end of the show there was this song whose lyrics depicted practically the whole movie.

i think i remember some of the lyrics.
"people want diamonds without the bloodshed.. people want blingbling without the bangbang"

okay. fine i added the second line.

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what does it take for you to see?

i hate the world.

12:36 AM

it's one of those "i hate the world" kinda days.

blind.deaf.unfeeling.

1:08 AM

you'd be blind, deaf and unfeeling if you don't realise this.

sometimes i just get so damned confused. i'm losing my faith.

it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time. it sucks.
i wish i could put my brain to better use instead of thinking about senseless, pointless stuff every day. it's not as if i want to overwork my puny brain. it's just a natural reaction.
it's a joke how this stemmed from nothing. i think about this and i laugh. how did everything change? that was a pretty damned thick line i had to cross. but now i'm stuck on the other side. part of me wants to go back. part of me just wants to stay and wait. and i'm torn between the two. it can be painful sometimes. most of the time. when i'm alone, and i'm thinking too much again. i need to keep my sanity before you take it all away. or rather, before i willingly give it up.

i'm losing my faith you hear me?

happybirthday best friend!

6:00 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOR (:

today is also our 10th anniversary! my best friend transferred from Chong Zheng Pri to Zhangde Pri in Primary 2. and since then we've been best friends!
remember how i looked like in Primary school? well she looked something similar. she was the tang1 yuan2 (glutinous rice ball) and i was the egg. we were rather... plump.
we went through thick and thin together.. literally. braved many storms together..
and we're still as close as we used to be. :D
i guess fate brought us together. ha. this is starting to sound corny. but hey, you only get to sound corny once in 10 years!

we still have many many more 10 years to come. (:

p.s. the strawberry sweetheart cake from fourleaves is absolutely heavenly!