my letter to you.

1:13 AM

dearest daddy,
i love you but i hate you sometimes.
why can't you just see what i want?
what mom wants?
stop being so self-centred please.

i miss the times we spent together before it all fell apart.
and i know we can't go back anymore.

back to the times we had banana split every week at swensens
back to the times we spent in the botanical gardens..
back to the times we spent singing together.. taking photos together..
laughing and crying together..
i still remember how i clung onto you and cried when my first hamster died.
i still remember ...............the time you slapped me.
and i still remember how it felt like.
damn.
why can't we just go back.
all the way back.
alllll the way back.........................

my face feels sticky.
bet you won't care now.
i bet you're thinking what a selfish girl i am.
but i inherited it from you, dad.
i wish i had mom's traits instead.

i wish you could see this. and know the hurt and anger i have inside.
i just don't show it.even if i do, you won't see it.
you're either too absorbed in playing some stupid game, playing with your best new gadgets, or singing your japanese songs. =/

and although we're only less than a metre apart,
i feel as if there're thick walls between us.
and i'm never gonna break these walls.
won't you try too?

-With Love,
Your one and only child.