[[ fears

11:15 PM

MY RAINBOW FETISH :D
YYYYY
i want a rainbow umbrella!!
and all things bright and colorful.
i just have this obsession with rainbows. i don't know why.

urgh. i have a horrible headache on one side on my head (the left side), more commonly known as migrane. =/
okay. maybe not. but it still hurts.

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.FEARS

i came across a phobia site. hahah. it seems like theres a name for EVERY phobia! :D
here are some i find interesting/ridiculous:

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. -_- how weird is that.
Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity.

Consecotaleophobia- Fear of chopsticks. (ROFL)

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words. o.O

Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables.

Levophobia- Fear of things to the left side of the body. gosh. what about the right side?

Optophobia- Fear of opening one's eyes. O.O

Papyrophobia- Fear of paper.
Phagophobia- Fear of swallowing or of eating or of being eaten.

Gnosiophobia- Fear of knowledge. kevin kevin :P

Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news. -____-

Kathisophobia- Fear of sitting down. (gosh i kinda pity people with this fear. what're they gonna do? lie down or stand all their lives?!)

Venustraphobia- Fear of beautiful women. (i think many people have this fear though)

Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat. (huh?!)

Trichopathophobia or Trichophobia- Fear of hair. (Chaetophobia, Hypertrichophobia)

Personally, i have the fears below:

Haphephobia or Haptephobia- Fear of being touched. (sometimes)
Gerascophobia- Fear of growing old.
Cryophobia- Fear of extreme cold, ice or frost.
Atychiphobia- Fear of failure.
Arithmophobia- Fear of numbers. (used to. used to get a headache whenever i did math)
Arachnephobia or Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders. (i'm sure many people are too.)
Ereuthrophobia- Fear of blushing. (i blush so much it's scary lah)
Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school. (when promo results come out)
Dysmorphophobia- Fear of deformity. (in my future children)
Pocrescophobia- Fear of gaining weight. (Obesophobia)
Nyctohylophobia- Fear of dark wooded areas or of forests at night

well, there're so many more things i'm scared of. but the list is horrendously long.
and my head hurts. my healthy diet plan is going okay.
no sugars. no fried food. healthy carbs. (and CHEESE YY)
ahhaha :D but i find it difficult to find snacks to eat. today i ate a MANGO as a snack. -_-
maybe i should try carrot sticks. argh. hahaha.

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life goes on. Y

[[ sigh.

11:21 PM

i had a very enjoyable evening with my mother.
we had sooo much to talk about.
we went for dinner and i told her about my new diet plan.
well it's not like i'm gonna fast. i'm gonna watch what i eat.
no more fast food, sugar, carbohydrates..
i'll be taking in good carbs like wholegrain bread and brown rice. ugh
that turns me off haha.
everytime we eat something unhealthy someone will say
"eh, long-term suicide plan!"
hahha it's very true. eating those kind of oily stuff.. fries will give cancer. face it, i think everyone will get cancer in the future. you eat this you get cancer, you don't eat that you will also get cancer.. as i'm typing now radiation will penetrate my body and someday i'll die because i'm over-exposed to radiation -_-

but still, i wanna shed some pounds and lead a healthy lifestyle :D
let's see how long i can persevere.

my mom went to get her hair trimmed. her conversation with the hairdresser got me thinking.

Mom: just be glad that he (the hairdresser's husband) hasn't had a change of heart!
Hairdresser: ha! i'm not scared. even if he does have a change of heart, i don't care. i can support myself. i don't need him.
M: it's not about the money!
H: to be frank, we must be smart! we should marry guys who love us more than we love them! honestly, i don't love my husband. i only like him. us ladies should marry guys who can't live without us! hahahha.

on the way home, i asked my mom if she loves my dad.

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sometimes in life, i guess the person we marry may not be the one we love the most.
but it's hard to imagine what life would be like if i don't love my husband.
mom says, the more time you spend with someone, the more his/her negative aspects surface.

that's true. especially when you live with that person. it's not a very pretty sight when you see him/her do stuff he/she never did on dates.

hahhaha. okay. a totally random entry.

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you don't know
what you do
everytime you walk into the room
i'm afraid to move.

[[ EARTH DAY

6:01 PM

You are the Earth.

I am the Earth.

The Earth is dying.

You and I are murderers.

Let's go green. -_-

I would like to thank doctor Siva for setting the Economics paper.

GG.

2 down, 3 to go!

and then it's freedom :D

ok la still got pw...... T.T

my letter to you.

1:13 AM

dearest daddy,
i love you but i hate you sometimes.
why can't you just see what i want?
what mom wants?
stop being so self-centred please.

i miss the times we spent together before it all fell apart.
and i know we can't go back anymore.

back to the times we had banana split every week at swensens
back to the times we spent in the botanical gardens..
back to the times we spent singing together.. taking photos together..
laughing and crying together..
i still remember how i clung onto you and cried when my first hamster died.
i still remember ...............the time you slapped me.
and i still remember how it felt like.
damn.
why can't we just go back.
all the way back.
alllll the way back.........................

my face feels sticky.
bet you won't care now.
i bet you're thinking what a selfish girl i am.
but i inherited it from you, dad.
i wish i had mom's traits instead.

i wish you could see this. and know the hurt and anger i have inside.
i just don't show it.even if i do, you won't see it.
you're either too absorbed in playing some stupid game, playing with your best new gadgets, or singing your japanese songs. =/

and although we're only less than a metre apart,
i feel as if there're thick walls between us.
and i'm never gonna break these walls.
won't you try too?

-With Love,
Your one and only child.

[[ L-O-V-E

11:49 PM

bored.. random quiz. still too lazy to post an entry with pics frm volkswagen open. not many pics anyway. still regretting i didn't take pictures of myself wearing that coat and tie haha. i looked ridiculously smart :P

ok. quiz ripped off frm mel's blog :D

single, taken or crushing?
Single.

are you happy with your life now?
hmm. it's okay. i used to think life sucks. until i managed to do some momentum questions. sigh.

when you meet the right person, do you fall in love with him/her fast?
the right person? well. im bad at judging who is right and who is wrong.
but i admit i fall in 'love' quite quickly.

have you ever had your heart broken?
many many times :X

do you believe that there are some circumstances where cheating love is acceptable?
cheating love? what an oxymoron.

would you take someone back if he cheats on you?
not for a million bucks. wait. maybe for a million bucks. this reminds me. ming and i were talking about retaining one year in exchange for a million bucks. lol. she immediately said "no! i won't retain for a million bucks." i was like, "why not? you only waste one year. and you might not earn a million bucks in 10 years!" ming suddenly realised the opportunity cost of retaining one year (in xchange for $1,000,000) was not great after all! she said i was jian1 zha4. no dear, this is called money face :D $_$

have you ever talked about marriage with another before?
er huh! with friends, of course. i always daydream about what my future husband would be like, where my wedding will be held at.... :D teehee.

do you want children?
i don't like noisy children.. but i still want children :D

how many?
two would be enough. shan wants FOUR! :D and she says she'll give one to me cuz we must have 2.1 kids to replace the population. X_X

would you ever consider adoption?
nah. call me unfeeling, call me irresponsible, call me cowardly.. but i don't wanna face the emotional problems that my adopted child MAY develop. emo people are hard to deal with.

if someone likes you right now, what do you think is the best way to let you know his/her feelings?
hahah sing me a song :D but if he can't sing, then he can just erm, tell me? hahaha.

do you enjoy getting into relationship?
it depends.. it depends.

be honest, what is the furtherest thing you and your ex did?
nothing much. it ended as quickly as it started hahaha.

do you believe in love at first sight?
nah.. it's just infatuation. the work of oxytocin. trust me, the effects of oxytocin aren't good.

are you romantic?
welll... maybe :D i think i can be sweet at times IF i want to.

do you believe you can change someone?
i sure hope so.
some random love quote i found: Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.
gosh. quite cheem lol. i interpreted it wrongly at first.

if you could get married somewhere, where would it be?
anywhere with vast green pastures :D

do you give in easily when you are fighting?
i'm obstinate and stubborn at times, but i tend to give in after a while.
unless what i'm fighting for really means A LOT to me. then i'll neverrr give in.

do you have feelings for someone right now?
not really.

do you ever wish that you could have someone but you messed it up?
yepp.. but i stopped wishing eventually. cuz what's done cannot be undone. no point crying over spilt milk anymore.

have you ever broken a heart?
well... yeah. :(

if one day your best friend falls in love with the person you are deeply in love with, what’ll you do?What to do?
i think friends are forever. love isn't. friends come before love. but love is selfish. you can't GIVE it to somebody or SHARE it with somebody. it depends..

are you missing someone now?
not really. no point anyway.
oooh but the tarot cards today showed that i am SUPER fated with Wands :D
wands represent air signs (which include aquarius, gemini and libra)
i'm gemini! almost all the cards i got were wand cards. it's super accurate i guess.
but of course tarot cards are only a guide. my fate lies in my hands. and, according to samuel, we should only believe in stuff like "i will fail my exams when saturn and the sun are in line"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRETTY JIALIN :D
LOVE YA Y pink princess!

[[ dish-washing

2:04 AM

my mom just had an operation.
she was still hurting so she went to sleep early.
i thought my dad would clear the dishes. but he did not. and he went to bed. =/
there was a table full of unfinished food, and a sink full of dirty plates, pots and pans.
urgh.
for the first time in a long time, i got myself down to wash the dishes.
seriously, we should appreciate our mothers for doing this EVERY DAY.
i washed:
-1 huge black wok (damn heavy)
-1 medium bowl
-1 large bowl (freakin big)
-2 glass plates
-1 metal plate
-3 small dishes
-2 pairs of chopsticks
-2 forks
-2 spoons
-3 cups
-1 heavy pot cover
-2 wooden spatulas (one was particulary hard to wash cuz all the rice stuck to it)

the sink was choked cuz all the leftover bits of food were stuck in the hole at the bottom of the sink (what do you call it?). guess what i did.
urgh. i put my hand into the murky water which filled 3/4 of the sink and scooped all the bits of food with my hand. god knows what was in there.
i didn't wear my specs. if i knew what i was scooping out i would most probably freak out and die.
it was utterly disgusting to dig into the hole and fish out all the bits of food. really.
imagine how mum does it every single day after cooking.
we really should appreciate mothers. or maids.
now my hands hurt from soaking in dishwashing detergent for too long.
and what's the worst thing? I LOVE MY HANDS.

but i Y mum MORE :D

but i only suffered for one day. mom suffers every day. plus she has to put up with my rudeness and laziness. sigh. i wonder how i'm gonna survive if i ever become a mother.
i guess i should learn to be more appreciative of the things or people around me. afterall, i'm one lucky kid. (:

and oh yeah, shanghai ocip team rocks :D
special mention: mingren (from S72) our logistics leader is waaay efficient.
i can't wait for shanghai.

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guess i'm just some stranger you can disengage.

[[ Singapore open (:

2:16 AM

the singapore open was a GREAT experience. (:
the world class skills demonstrated by the players and the friendships forged were unforgettable. :D
plus i have a new idol!
Chuan Chih-Yuan from Chinese Taipei :D
he's pro, he's humble, and he's nice!
not like those other pro players who are rude to their fans.
i mean.. sometimes you could be more appreciative right? especially after winning.

pictures coming soon!

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everything is f-ed up straight from the heart
tell me what do you do when it all falls apart
gotta pick myself up where do i start
tell me what do you do when it all falls apart.

[[ mugging. ouch.

10:53 PM

i'm finally getting myself down to mug.

look how confused i was trying to understand physics. my tight hairband wasn't helping. ouch.

one word: gurghh

but i managed to take a picture with the chiobu yanzhi :D lol.

WHEE :D

i had a really good time mugging with the 6C people even though i didn't accomplish much.
thanks for making my day a happy one :D

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it doesn't matter anymore.
it's pointless, isn't it?