[[ bad day

12:18 AM

just another bad day.

i had quite a rough day. felt like i didn't sleep at all the previous night.
the only time i enjoyed was the time i spent with yushan kimmin and xiaobai. it's been a long time since we went out just to eat and talk. all of us have been facing some personal problems. it was great to just sit down and talk.
not about anyone else. just talk about ourselves.

i had a fight with my mother. =/
she can be really unreasonable sometimes, it gets on my nerves. i know she says things for my own good. i really do.
but sometimes i just think she doesn't understand.
just now i was so damn pissed.
just when i was about to send my GPP to my leader, the stupid wireless connection went haywire.
i tried 5 ways to reconnect/repair it, but to no avail.
before this i was already feeling very depressed over GPP.
while some people were too engrossed in listening to "the mr brown show" =/,
xiaobai was there to listen to me yak. (: thankyou.

sometimes when you have so much to say, the words just won't come out.
but words are only words.
i can't give anything else.

i like the feeling of having something to fall back on.
i don't know. maybe it's the tendency of a snake to lean on stuff. =/ no backbone. or something.
whenever i feel totally depressed or weak i just lean on something hard. like my cold, hard bathroom door, my closet door... sometimes i wish i had something more comfortable to lean on.

it's okay to feel helpless sometimes. well im feeling this way now. what happened to my happy days? *poof* all gone.
and it hurts me so. i thought all these sad feelings were just in my head. i could control them. i could suppress these melancholic thoughts. i could turn these negative thoughts into positive ones.
then i realised these negative thoughts moved into my heart.
they fill up a void in my heart.
where happy feelings cannot reach, they move in.
and they fill up the void so much so that it hurts.
sometimes i feel like my heart's gonna burst.

and other times i ask my heart questions. my heart doesn't respond.
i thought i had a disease called heart murmur.
say something, say anything. give me a sign. i need to hear what you have to say.
maybe it hurts too much to even make a sound.
that's why it's called a disease.

omg. what is this crap. =/ some subconcious ramblings i suppose. oh well. i shall go to sleep. tomorrow will be a happy day.