[[ deluding myself.

12:13 AM

im getting so irritated. irritated by myself.
you know perfectly how i feel.
i don't have a clue about how YOU feel.

what's wrong with me?!

it's all up to you now.
and i guess, since you don't really give a damn,
i might as well close this chapter and move on.

im ruining myself.

i know im a gemini, it's not strange for me to have 2 personalities at the same time.
but it's SO FREAKY.

im like "so happy so happy" but i "hate you". lols. yar something like that. the transition is too quick.

sometimes i try to tell myself to look on the bright side
and i realise..
there is NO bright side.

all i can see is darkness in front.
pitch black.

i can't even feel how much im hurting.
and do you care? nooo! i don't think so!

i guess all the "bright sides" were by-products of my self-delusion.

MY NEW HOBBY: DELUDING MYSELF.

i wish you could spare some time to delude me too. the more the merrier.

i think i was pretty damn successful at deluding myself. i actually believed myself.
i actually believed the preposterous crap i made up.
i was actually happy deluding myself.

i guess i can continue deluding myself.
until you come by and say "stop."

and then my whole world comes crumbling down on me. but it won't hurt.
it won't hurt a bit.
cuz my whole world is just an illusion.
it's not real.

it won't hurt at all.
(look. i think i'm deluding myself again.)