[[ crazy!

8:13 PM

argh. maths tutorial and chem tutorial and physics tutorial are driving me crazy. it's really demoralising when you can't even do a single question. poof. can't even do a single question lar!
-_- waste my time!!!!
i might as well go and die. damn stressed liao. sigh. i've been slacking my holidays away. haven done anything productive the whole week.
im going crazy. i seriously am. sometimes i just feel like quitting school. sigh. i should have positive attitude. but !#$% @!$% -_- im seriously angry.

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

ha. ok. on a happier note. yesterday was elaine's birthday! we pigged out at pizza hut and swensens. heh. had lotsa fun spending time with 7`11.. sigh. why cant we all be in the same school? it'd be so fun. mingming's in the same school as me but i don't get to interact with her. blah. =(

i had a really bad nightmare just now. it was like reading a novel. those kinda thriller novels where the people get killed one by one.. except you are one of the characters and it doesn't feel very good.. it was so surreal. the setting was a big mansion i think. the thing i remembered most vividly was a swinging axe. argh damn bloody. it's always like that. i wake up before i get killed by some psychopath. which is a good thing.

i just read some email xiaoqin sent.. it's about cherishing your loved ones.. and it's super touching. our parents do so much for us.. but we never seem to appreciate their efforts.. instead we do many things to hurt them and make them sad.. i always tell myself to be a better daughter.. but i just can't seem to do it.. honestly im really afraid of losing my parents. the fear just cripples me. my dad and i don't speak more than 3 sentences each day. but i still love him. i hope he knows.

im not a person who expresses love and affection easily. i turn rigid when people express their affection for me... i don't know why. i don't know how to make people feel loved. sometimes i feel really helpless at my clumsiness. ha. my mum says i have to learn. learn.. is this something that can be learnt? i hope so.

erm to all my friends and family:

I LOVE YOU! <33